Professional Development? Creative Development? How about just “DEVELOPMENT”?

As in a year ago, I should be working on National Boards submissions for my School Counseling professional development goals.  However, I really don’t want to.  I really don’t.  It’s not that I don’t want to become a better school counselor, I just have a major case of the “want to have funs”.  I’m not sure this is curable.

So, similar to last year’s procrastination methods, I’ve decided to write my first blog post in months.  Many, many months.  Now, I’ve not been that musically focused in months, so it’s understandable I wouldn’t post.  What would it be about???  But, that is starting to change, thankfully.  I’d rather be musically focused in my non-work life than focused on other things (aside from spiritual growth, that is), so this is definitely a step in the right direction.

About a year and a half ago (or more), I stopped taking voice and piano/theory lessons.  Partly because my two teachers had moved out of town, and partly because I needed to focus on Boards.  Well, even though I have to resubmit for Boards, I decided that a life without growing musically is not for me.  I need it to make me feel balanced and strong and excited about life.  Listening just isn’t enough.  Guitar lessons (on hiatus right now) are not enough because although I enjoy them, they don’t drive me creatively and frankly, I’m just bad at guitar!

So, back to voice I went.  My former teacher, Kelly Ash, long ago relocated to NYC, offered to teach me via Skype and I snatched that offer up immediately.  It’s awesome working with someone I already jive with, and who has lots more to teach me due to her progress through grad school and more.  We started off with a goofy goal.  Being obsessed with The Voice, I decided I wanted to prepare a song for a mock audition.  There’s no way I’d actually audition, but I wanted to believe I had a song I prepared well enough to audition.  It’s been a good goal–watching The Voice and listening carefully to the coach feedback, etc.  We’ve worked on a few of songs with this in mind:

Isabella, by Dia Frampton (first runner up during the first season of The Voice)

Hold On, by Sarah McLachlan (really challenging, and sad, but empowering to sing, plus she’s my hero)

Time After Time, by Cyndi Lauper (are there any women who haven’t been able to relate to this at some point in their lives?)

Don’t Cry, by Ann Vriend (I just discovered this Canadian artist and am in love with this extremely difficult to sing song.  It’s given me quite the challenge!)

Kelly and I “meet” twice a month, which keeps it affordable.  And I have something to work on that excites me and requires me to analyze songs a little more than normal.  Once I feel like the Ann Vriend song has been worked through enough, we’re going back to writing.  I’m rusty and out of shape in this category, but ready for the challenge.  I wrote a song for my dad over Christmas (thanks for requiring a homemade gift, Dad!) and it felt great, despite my lack of ability to accompany myself.

Now I’m on a mission to get to Nashville and listen to a whole lot of music.  Or attend a songwriting workshop.  It’s possible I’m being influenced by the current ABC show, Nashville (it’s just so good!).  🙂  But, I’d also be happy heading to a workshop in NY.  Or LA.  Sometime next year–maybe spring.  All I know is it makes me feel good to be thinking about these things, and making non-concrete plans to improve a craft I truly enjoy but need to work hard at to get better.

Despite the best intentions to focus on professional matters, putting creative flow/practice on hiatus sort of defeats the purpose.  That matters just as much, if not more.  I must build time for it, just as I must build time for spiritual study and exercise.  In the end, everything we do to grow and progress cycles around and feeds the other areas of our lives.

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Joy and Thanks. Thanks and Joy.

 

It’s the start of Thanksgiving week, and so I, along with many others from the US, am considering what I’m grateful for.  There have been years when this has been rather challenging, but there has always been something I could name (even if I couldn’t feel it right then).  This year, thankfully, I am able to see and feel the bounty clearly.  Not because anything in my life has changed dramatically, but simply because I’ve been prepping for the holidays since June.  Well, not exactly.  But I have been focusing on claiming my joy, no matter what the circumstance or time of year.

As I mentioned in previous posts, back in June I lost my voice.  I lost it big-time.  I lost it on the night of a small performance.  That small performance was quite horrible, and that’s not an exaggeration.  In the following weeks, although I felt physically better, the voice thing was lingering on.  I had to cancel one church solo job I had, and the performance I did in late July, while infinitely better than early June, was still shaky.  Pitchy.  Blech.  I’m sorry for anyone that was attending and is also reading this.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I received the recording that I realized it…

Well, it’s almost the end of November, and somewhere along the way, the voice went back to normal.  At some point I stopped focusing on it, and just focused on claiming my joy.  I alluded to some thoughts I was having around this in another post, but basically, I had to come to a decision that no matter my circumstance or situation, I had every right to know joy.  Feel joy.  Live joy.  This was a somewhat tough concept for me to grasp, but thankfully I was pretty determined.  In the end, what it comes down to is that regardless of my status in the world—career, financial, relationship, friendship, family, talent, etc.—I was created in joy.  If that’s how I was created, it can’t leave.  It has never left.  My understanding of it, my belief in it, etc., may alter my thinking about this, but the fact itself remains.

Wow.

I can’t tell you how freeing this was.  Completely liberating.  I haven’t felt this light in ages.  It’s not that I don’t have down days, or sad moments.  It’s just that, overall, my feeling of joy is deep.  Instead of joyful moments that are situational, joy just is.  It’s so great!  So when considering my gratitude this Thanksgiving, I am most grateful for this:  a realization that joy is innate—not just in me, but in everyone.  My hope is that you can feel it, too.

The side benefit of that, of course, is that I got my voice back.  And with that, I can sing freely and joyfully.  At church, with my Songbirds group, in the car, Christmas carols, etc.  Singing has always been a happy experience for me, but now it is a joyful expression.  I promise you, there is a difference.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t continue to create sad songs…  🙂

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Togetherness (in song, of course)

There’s something about coming together in song that can really lift your spirits.  Of course, that might depend on the song.  But in general, I think, the idea of coming together to share a message—be it of hope, happiness, sadness, desperation, peace, or other thoughts and feelings—helps people gather strength.  It might be strength in confidence.  Or perhaps strength in perservering through challenges.  Or strength in expressing love towards others.  Pick a strength you’d like help with…if you are moved through music, it’s likely you will feel even just a tad stronger after a musical experience that embraces togetherness.

How sappy did that sound?!  But really, I promise I’m sincere!  🙂

So on that note, helping to nurture my strengths are multiple blessings in my life.  As I’ve mentioned many times in previous posts, there are a few musicians (singers) in my family.  However I also benefit by having a group of women I get to sing with twice a month here in Seattle.  It’s nothing professional, mind you, but exists purely for the joy of singing.  Coupled with the obvious benefit of simply getting a group of soulful (and amazing!) women together to chat before the music starts.  We call ourselves Songbirds, and I know that each of us treasure the time we get together for a variety of individual and shared reasons.  These are women who don’t necessarily spend a lot of time together outside of the group (though some do, of course), but are kind and open and welcoming.  And of course, we all love to sing.

A number of these women agreed to hone a couple of the songs we like to sing for the recital I did with my mom and sister last fall.  Channing, the unofficial leader of the group, led us through a version of “I’ll Fly Away” and another song we like to sing when we have new Songbird participants at a meeting, “Mother”.  I’ve included one here, mainly to demonstrate how much fun we have!

I also have a lot of fun singing with my family.  Over the years, my sister and I have been able to do a few things together, mainly at family weddings.  In our mother-daughter recital last fall, however, all three of us were able to come together.  We did three songs:  “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, “I Don’t Know Why” by Shawn Colvin, and a gospelish hymn.  During rehearsals, it was interesting to note how different our individual musical selections were, and how we all had different practice methods.  I think we learned a little bit about each other through the process, including how to work more harmoniously together.

I’ve included “I Don’t Know Why” here because it’s a long-time favorite of mine, and I feel pretty happy that we were able to make it work as a three-person song.  The lyrics are lovely!

Lastly, I’m including a song that my sister and I have done not only at the recital, but also at a few open mics this past year.  She has managed to learn to play the guitar just enough to get through this song (and a couple others).  She’s on the lead vocal here (and has a fantastic voice!), and I do harmony.  A very unusual situation, as harmony isn’t generally a skill I have.  But it works here, and if you like The Be Good Tanyas, you’ll probably enjoy this, too.  Since it’s their song and all.  🙂

It’s worth mentioning, I think, that although coming together IN song can be incredibly inspiring, moving, strengthening, and more, coming together THROUGH song can also be all of those things.  And by that I mean that although we might not all sing, or participate in some group song event, we can certainly be moved by witnessing others participating.  Just look at how the song “Imagine”, by John Lennon, has affected people over the decades.  And look at how Michael Jackson’s death stirred the world last year.  It wasn’t just about his music, of course, but his music was definitely his legacy.  And he inspired so many people through the years with his songs.

I know I’m not saying anything new or original, but I can’t help commenting on something that keeps me excited on a regular basis.  I’m just so grateful for how much inspiration we have out there, it’s hard to contain!

 

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Weddings, Music, Family (not necessarily in that order)

In the past 5 years or so, I have come to realize how very fortunate I am to have such an artistically talented family.  As I’ve mentioned before, both my mom and my sister sing.  We were raised in a household of theatre people, who also had strong musical leanings.

So my mom’s side was quite influential. While my brother and dad don’t lean so much musically, they definitely have an appreciation for it, and my dad explores other artistic avenues (photography, writing, etc.).   That said, on my dad’s side we’ve got a whole other set of talented folk!  My cousin is a wicked guitar player.  (Excuse me, but I lived in Boston for a while, and they like to say wicked.  Feel free to join in.).  As well, he has a beautiful singing voice.  Of course, as he plays in a punk band, Virgin Islands, that singing voice doesn’t really get exercised too much.  This weekend, however, at another cousin’s wedding, we were graced with the beauty of Chris’ voice.  Please enjoy (without paying any attention to the horrible video) Chris Meyer singing “She is Love” by Parachute.  You won’t regret it.  I liked the song before.  I love the song now.

Along with my “blood relatives”, through marriage we’ve been blessed with some other fantastic cousins.  One got married this past weekend, and the other got married last year.  The wedding and reception last year was practically a musical festival (which, not surprisingly, thrilled me!), with guests performing originals and covers, the groom frequently joining in, a live band, and an end of the evening filled with ipod dance tunes.  Thank the lord for great dance music at weddings!  This year, the wedding itself was filled with beautiful music, and the music at the reception included another great set of dance tunes.  Oh, how I love dancing at weddings!  Kind of makes me want to try crashing a couple…  😉  But I digress.

Well, the groom of last year also happens to be the brother of the bride this year.  As such, he also performed in the wedding.  Steve Shepro sang a lovely version of “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz (yet another fabulous song!) as the processional.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take out my phone in time, but please enjoy what I did manage to capture (including more random wedding footage).

Finally, in a slightly separate category, the bride can dance!  This is not a skill I have, though I certainly pretend.  My cousin’s wife, Summer, is also a dancer.  She performs regularly through various Seattle burlesque shows, and as her skills are crazy amazing, I try to NOT dance next to her at weddings.  My aunt also has some pretty rockin’ moves, and I love watching her tear up the dance floor.  These women have little to no inhibitions about being in the spotlight, and add to the inspiration that is my family.  

All that to say that I have been increasingly grateful to be surrounded by creative individuals in my life.  It’s only recently that I realized how much of that influence is comprised within my own family, and how blessed I am to have it on all sides.  The temptation to compare myself to them has diminished over the years, and now I just get to take it all in and let it feed my own desire to create.  Here’s to the fabulousness that is (or can be) family!

You should see the family at karaoke!  😉  But I’ll save that for another entry…

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The Joy of Expression

A couple weeks ago, right before a culminating performance from a vocal workshop I’d been doing, I lost my voice.  The rehearsal just before the performance was shaky.  The performance, however, was just plain poor.  My voice just kept dropping as the evening went on, and I couldn’t hit all my notes.  I sounded like a boy in puberty!  Naturally, we had a big crowd which included a lot of people I didn’t know.  Thankfully, they were a forgiving crowd and I definitely informed them as to what was happening.  All that said, while things are better overall since that week, I still can’t sing.

It is very tempting to be distressed by this.  And believe me, I have definitely had my moments of “why?!”  “Why is this happening to ME?!”  Moments of self-pity, if you will.  But at the same time, it’s also been an opportunity to reflect.  To reflect on the meaning of song in my life.  Of singing.  Of performing.  Of music in general.  And also to reflect on the qualities that come with these that I feel I express.  Do these qualities have to be exclusive to singing, or creating songs?  Are there other ways that I can express these qualities?   If I could never sing again (which isn’t going to happen!), would I feel a deep sense of emptiness?

I think it’s important that we both acknowledge the amazing talents and qualities we’ve been blessed with, and also realize that if something were to change one or more of those talents or qualities, our lives would not be empty.  There are so many things that help define who we are, and the concrete “things” that are in our lives (be it a job, or a home, or a talent, or a person, or a car) do not create that definition in and of themselves.  So on that note, here is what I’ve learned over the past couple weeks…

My joy is determined not by what is in my life, but by where I choose to put importance, and how I choose to respond to any given situation.  It goes deeper than that, but that is one factor for me in learning to be joyous.  If I lose someTHING, or someONE, that I deem ultra-valuable to me, my response to this loss will go much farther in determining my happiness and joy than that loss actually would.  My qualities are bigger than the material expressions of them.  If I appear to lose my voice, that does not mean I’ve lost my ability to express.

These are ideas I’m working with as I heal.  Finding joy in the now and the many ways there are to express is my goal.  What’s yours?  🙂

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