New Song! New Song!

My sister and I have a song for your downloading pleasure! But more on that later…

Lots has been happening around here and in my life, and it’s taken me away from blogging. No surprise there! But, after quite a few months away from not producing any new songs, I am happy to say that they are coming again. Now that’s a reason to blog. Woohoo!

Unfortunately, I haven’t suddenly developed instrumental skills despite my lack of practice. But I have felt more motivated to get things going again. I was missing the creative side of my life, and thanks in part to the need to write a wedding song for early April, I was pushed forward. I also give credit to time spent with Kelly Ash, my former voice teacher, at the end of December in Seattle, and also in NYC over my school’s February break. She helped open up some dams that were blocking me, and it propelled me forward to finish the wedding song. As well, she connected me with a songwriting coach who works out of NYC, and provides fantastic feedback on whatever song I’m currently working (and gives me a reason to keep creating so I have something to submit).

As I’ve mentioned before, having a community of artists is extremely helpful and beneficial to one when pursuing anything artistic. Now, I don’t really run in an artistic crowd (and I like the balance of what I have!), but I do have the privilege of knowing and/or working with a few who are doing something creative for a living. And of course I have my family, or, more specifically, my sister, Tara Kelly Kearns. She is a singer and songwriter in her own right (and a former amazing karaoke host—seriously!), and it seems we’ve found a little bit of a groove in creating together. That is, we’re very sporadic with how often we work together, but when we do we seem to complement each other fairly well. What a nice realization!

So Tara and I wrote a song called “Frayed.” I started it with lyrics and a melody, Tara came in and changed the sound from jazzy to folky/bluegrassy (sort of), and added a few more lyrics and the bridge melody. Justin Froese, one of Tara’s good friends and an amazing musician and producer, helped arrange and produce it with Tara, as well as played all the instruments on the recording. Voila! We have a song!

For those of you who know I have a lot of sad-ish songs, please note that I was not actually sad when writing this. But it’s sad. Oh, yes, it’s definitely sad.

Please go to the musican-friendly website, Bandcamp, to download at a “pay what you want” rate. You can listen to the song directly from the website, but it would be awesome if you would download it as well. It’s free! And then you’ll “get” to listen to it over and over and over and over… OK, or just download it because it’s fun for us to see how many people have downloaded our song. 🙂 It’s all very exciting!

And hopefully just the beginning.

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Joy and Thanks. Thanks and Joy.

 

It’s the start of Thanksgiving week, and so I, along with many others from the US, am considering what I’m grateful for.  There have been years when this has been rather challenging, but there has always been something I could name (even if I couldn’t feel it right then).  This year, thankfully, I am able to see and feel the bounty clearly.  Not because anything in my life has changed dramatically, but simply because I’ve been prepping for the holidays since June.  Well, not exactly.  But I have been focusing on claiming my joy, no matter what the circumstance or time of year.

As I mentioned in previous posts, back in June I lost my voice.  I lost it big-time.  I lost it on the night of a small performance.  That small performance was quite horrible, and that’s not an exaggeration.  In the following weeks, although I felt physically better, the voice thing was lingering on.  I had to cancel one church solo job I had, and the performance I did in late July, while infinitely better than early June, was still shaky.  Pitchy.  Blech.  I’m sorry for anyone that was attending and is also reading this.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I received the recording that I realized it…

Well, it’s almost the end of November, and somewhere along the way, the voice went back to normal.  At some point I stopped focusing on it, and just focused on claiming my joy.  I alluded to some thoughts I was having around this in another post, but basically, I had to come to a decision that no matter my circumstance or situation, I had every right to know joy.  Feel joy.  Live joy.  This was a somewhat tough concept for me to grasp, but thankfully I was pretty determined.  In the end, what it comes down to is that regardless of my status in the world—career, financial, relationship, friendship, family, talent, etc.—I was created in joy.  If that’s how I was created, it can’t leave.  It has never left.  My understanding of it, my belief in it, etc., may alter my thinking about this, but the fact itself remains.

Wow.

I can’t tell you how freeing this was.  Completely liberating.  I haven’t felt this light in ages.  It’s not that I don’t have down days, or sad moments.  It’s just that, overall, my feeling of joy is deep.  Instead of joyful moments that are situational, joy just is.  It’s so great!  So when considering my gratitude this Thanksgiving, I am most grateful for this:  a realization that joy is innate—not just in me, but in everyone.  My hope is that you can feel it, too.

The side benefit of that, of course, is that I got my voice back.  And with that, I can sing freely and joyfully.  At church, with my Songbirds group, in the car, Christmas carols, etc.  Singing has always been a happy experience for me, but now it is a joyful expression.  I promise you, there is a difference.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t continue to create sad songs…  🙂

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Togetherness (in song, of course)

There’s something about coming together in song that can really lift your spirits.  Of course, that might depend on the song.  But in general, I think, the idea of coming together to share a message—be it of hope, happiness, sadness, desperation, peace, or other thoughts and feelings—helps people gather strength.  It might be strength in confidence.  Or perhaps strength in perservering through challenges.  Or strength in expressing love towards others.  Pick a strength you’d like help with…if you are moved through music, it’s likely you will feel even just a tad stronger after a musical experience that embraces togetherness.

How sappy did that sound?!  But really, I promise I’m sincere!  🙂

So on that note, helping to nurture my strengths are multiple blessings in my life.  As I’ve mentioned many times in previous posts, there are a few musicians (singers) in my family.  However I also benefit by having a group of women I get to sing with twice a month here in Seattle.  It’s nothing professional, mind you, but exists purely for the joy of singing.  Coupled with the obvious benefit of simply getting a group of soulful (and amazing!) women together to chat before the music starts.  We call ourselves Songbirds, and I know that each of us treasure the time we get together for a variety of individual and shared reasons.  These are women who don’t necessarily spend a lot of time together outside of the group (though some do, of course), but are kind and open and welcoming.  And of course, we all love to sing.

A number of these women agreed to hone a couple of the songs we like to sing for the recital I did with my mom and sister last fall.  Channing, the unofficial leader of the group, led us through a version of “I’ll Fly Away” and another song we like to sing when we have new Songbird participants at a meeting, “Mother”.  I’ve included one here, mainly to demonstrate how much fun we have!

I also have a lot of fun singing with my family.  Over the years, my sister and I have been able to do a few things together, mainly at family weddings.  In our mother-daughter recital last fall, however, all three of us were able to come together.  We did three songs:  “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, “I Don’t Know Why” by Shawn Colvin, and a gospelish hymn.  During rehearsals, it was interesting to note how different our individual musical selections were, and how we all had different practice methods.  I think we learned a little bit about each other through the process, including how to work more harmoniously together.

I’ve included “I Don’t Know Why” here because it’s a long-time favorite of mine, and I feel pretty happy that we were able to make it work as a three-person song.  The lyrics are lovely!

Lastly, I’m including a song that my sister and I have done not only at the recital, but also at a few open mics this past year.  She has managed to learn to play the guitar just enough to get through this song (and a couple others).  She’s on the lead vocal here (and has a fantastic voice!), and I do harmony.  A very unusual situation, as harmony isn’t generally a skill I have.  But it works here, and if you like The Be Good Tanyas, you’ll probably enjoy this, too.  Since it’s their song and all.  🙂

It’s worth mentioning, I think, that although coming together IN song can be incredibly inspiring, moving, strengthening, and more, coming together THROUGH song can also be all of those things.  And by that I mean that although we might not all sing, or participate in some group song event, we can certainly be moved by witnessing others participating.  Just look at how the song “Imagine”, by John Lennon, has affected people over the decades.  And look at how Michael Jackson’s death stirred the world last year.  It wasn’t just about his music, of course, but his music was definitely his legacy.  And he inspired so many people through the years with his songs.

I know I’m not saying anything new or original, but I can’t help commenting on something that keeps me excited on a regular basis.  I’m just so grateful for how much inspiration we have out there, it’s hard to contain!

 

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Fueled by Sarah(s)

I just got back from a whirlwind trip through Portland, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, and then Portland again.  Unintentionally, it’s my summer of Portland!

Portland's "Waffle Window" in the Hawthorn neighborhood. I've never known of one of these in another city!

One of many amazing views from The Presidio in San Francisco

The trip was all by car, and keeping me company through much of that trip were some fine, fine musicians.  In the form of recordings, of course, but even so those musicians can really keep you going.

I bought the new albums by Sarah McLachlan and Sarah Harmer just before heading to SF.  I have this funny thing about not downloading albums by artists that I really want to support.  I know I’m supporting them through their downloads, too, but for some reason having that physical album makes me feel like I am contributing more to their support network.  They put some effort into creating not just a sound, but also a look for their album, and I want to honor that endeavor.

Sarah Harmer’s new album, “Oh Little Fire” is great.  It’s fun, it’s interesting, it’s true to form to her previous albums.  Particularly to her earlier albums (which offer such songs as “Basement Apartment” and “Almost”).  I’m really enjoying it so far, and am looking forward to listening to it more and more, hopefully gaining some musical inspiration along the way.  “Late Bloomer” on this new album is a particular favorite!  She’s inspired me in the past, and I really enjoy singing her songs.  I love how she writes—rarely an obvious statement in a verse or line, and yet the feeling definitely comes through.  I aspire to be that interesting lyrically!

Sarah McLachlan…well…really, what is more fantastic than a Sarah album?!  Seriously, I’m hard-pressed to think of any music that inspires me more than Sarah’s.  I also can’t think of another artist I’d rather sit down and have a conversation with.  That woman is truly amazing on so many levels.  (Shameless admiration on my end, obviously!)  If for some reason you don’t already know her (how is this possible?!), check out this video:From the minute I was introduced to her music back in college, I have never stopped feeling inspired and moved by it.  Of course, with artists like Sarah, it goes beyond the music.  She uses her music to give back, to reach the general public and others who need it, and she helps us all celebrate each other and acknowledge the important offerings of women by founding things such as Lilith Fair.

I’ll go into Lilith Fair on another post, because I had the privilege of attending it this year and have way too much to say on that subject.  In the meantime, however, let me expound on Sarah McLachlan just a little bit more.  Despite the change in her personal circumstances, her album, “Laws of Illusion“, remains honest and hopeful, moving and deep, insightful and uplifting.  She is the essence of feminine in her demeanor and her music—strength, honesty, and beauty all coming through in her lyrics, songwriting, and interactions with her audience.  Yes, I worship this woman.  😉  While I cannot BE Sarah McLachlan, she certainly emanates qualities I am striving for.  Obviously I express these qualities in different ways, but it is very nice to have an individual to admire from afar who also seems relatable.

From “Awakenings” by Sarah McLachlan:

Oh I wanna learn, I wanna know
Will our history crush us or can we let it go?
I’m not the girl I was but what have I become?
I’m not so willing anymore to bend
Still pleasing and conceding but I’m not gonna lose myself again

In a previous blog post I mentioned the need to surround yourself with people that inspire you.  An amendment to this would be that this inspiration doesn’t necessarily have to come IN PERSON.  Professional artists can be just as uplifting, even if you don’t know them.

I am so thankful for the individuals that continue to bless us with their creative gifts!

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The Joy of Expression

A couple weeks ago, right before a culminating performance from a vocal workshop I’d been doing, I lost my voice.  The rehearsal just before the performance was shaky.  The performance, however, was just plain poor.  My voice just kept dropping as the evening went on, and I couldn’t hit all my notes.  I sounded like a boy in puberty!  Naturally, we had a big crowd which included a lot of people I didn’t know.  Thankfully, they were a forgiving crowd and I definitely informed them as to what was happening.  All that said, while things are better overall since that week, I still can’t sing.

It is very tempting to be distressed by this.  And believe me, I have definitely had my moments of “why?!”  “Why is this happening to ME?!”  Moments of self-pity, if you will.  But at the same time, it’s also been an opportunity to reflect.  To reflect on the meaning of song in my life.  Of singing.  Of performing.  Of music in general.  And also to reflect on the qualities that come with these that I feel I express.  Do these qualities have to be exclusive to singing, or creating songs?  Are there other ways that I can express these qualities?   If I could never sing again (which isn’t going to happen!), would I feel a deep sense of emptiness?

I think it’s important that we both acknowledge the amazing talents and qualities we’ve been blessed with, and also realize that if something were to change one or more of those talents or qualities, our lives would not be empty.  There are so many things that help define who we are, and the concrete “things” that are in our lives (be it a job, or a home, or a talent, or a person, or a car) do not create that definition in and of themselves.  So on that note, here is what I’ve learned over the past couple weeks…

My joy is determined not by what is in my life, but by where I choose to put importance, and how I choose to respond to any given situation.  It goes deeper than that, but that is one factor for me in learning to be joyous.  If I lose someTHING, or someONE, that I deem ultra-valuable to me, my response to this loss will go much farther in determining my happiness and joy than that loss actually would.  My qualities are bigger than the material expressions of them.  If I appear to lose my voice, that does not mean I’ve lost my ability to express.

These are ideas I’m working with as I heal.  Finding joy in the now and the many ways there are to express is my goal.  What’s yours?  🙂

A little bit of God's expression...even in the Vegas area. 🙂

Expression of childhood perfection. Balboa Island, CA.

These folks are ready to express...in the form of a Mamma Mia singalong gathering. Wahoo!

My neighbor's form of expression consists of "planting" bowling balls in the garden. Seriously.

One fantastically yummy form of liquid expression

A personal favorite form of expression.

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